Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Independence isn't what it seems

Being an independent woman is something that I pride myself on. It is something that I hold close to my heart because it is who I am. I am independent, I work hard, I rely on myself and myself only, and I lookout for myself. I don't expect anything from anyone, and people go above and beyond those expectations daily, so why is it that independence isn't what it seems to me anymore?
Independence isn't what I want anymore in life for some reason. I want to rely on something, someone, some place. I want to have that comfort blanket I have never wanted in my life before. I don't know if it is because my comfort blanket has always been school and that is ending soon.

I knew that while I was in school I always had something to fall back on. I could always find my path in life through that. Through learning and discovering my passions and using that to decide what I wanted my career path to follow. Through school I learned I love writing. That was what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

However, while I get closer and closer to graduating I learn that maybe my passion is writing, but journalism isn't what I want anymore. Through learning and research and life I feel like the safety blanket that is school isn't going to continue over into that career. So I have to be independent once again.

So independence? What is it? Why does everyone want it, but at the same time keep something that is a safety net there? That safety net has never been visible to me. I have always said I can stand on my own two feet (for most things that is). I can get through anything by being myself.

However, I am learning the independence I thought I had and thought I wanted has changed my life. It has caused me to not build as meaningful relationships with people. Not because I didn't want to or because I felt I didn't need them. But because I was always on my own. I always wanted to do things on my own and I wanted to rely on only myself and no one else. I was always off doing my own thing and sometimes people don't always want to do what I do.

I have friends and I have family and the relationships I have with them are amazing, but I feel like it isn't that deep connection. I feel I go off the face of the planet and just do my own thing for a bit while not trying to communicate with anyone. I don't do it on purpose and I don't do it because I want to. It just happens because I focus on myself and forget about the world.

But while I grow up and get older and closer to living my life completely on my own, I realize that maybe now is the time to continue to not neglect those relationships and be independent but to be dependent in a way. I don't want to rely on people still, but I do want to stop letting myself forget about keeping the connections with people going. 

Because as Sia sings, "I wanted to play tough, thought I could do all this on my own, but even superwoman needs superman's soul." 

These lyrics have inspired me over the past few weeks or so since I have heard them to remind myself that I can't do everything on my own. I need a support system and I need people. I need to rely on myself, but also I need other people to help fuel the fire in me. I don't necessarily need a man, but I do need a few partners in crime or else I won't accomplish everything I want to in this lifetime.


  1. Lovely post, I think it's brilliant to be independant and not rely on anyone but it is also lovely to have someone to lean on when you need them and to motivate you. There' nothing wrong with needing people. Also I love that song by Sia, lovely lyrics x

    Tiffany x

  2. Great post, very thoughtful on the meaning of independence. It's hard to take full meaning of it into your life and not feel like it could at times be a barrier in relationships. It's all about finding a balance!

  3. Loved reading this post. I agree, sometimes we focus so hard on being independent that we forget that it's okay to lean on people sometimes. Hope you find the balance soon!

    Katie xx

  4. Great post. Love that you're quoting Sia in this x

    Emma |

  5. Fantastic post! I love being independent but I do also love the fact I have someone there I can lean on tbh. This was such a good read.

    Jordanne ||